What does a no mean to you?
Conscious Living & Leadership Newsletter
Last week I was invited to assist in a course, and after giving it some thought, I decided to say no. It was difficult for me, because I have been in that situation myself before, organising something and in need of help and support, but nobody is able to be there. So I understood how it felt. At the same time, I am practising listening to my own truth, choose from my heart and accept that I don’t always need to give a reason. I can simply own my decision and speak it: "I will not be joining you this time." The reply came quickly: "Thank you for taking the time to connect to what you need."
The answer moved me in several ways. It is about staying connected to what you want, and stick to it no matter what happens, and about respecting other people’s boundaries without taking it personally. It makes it easier both to say no and to accept a "no". Today, I invited someone to a workshop myself and was turned down, and connected to my own experience and passed it on. It felt good, and it led to a pleasant conversation.
What does a no mean to you?
Conflicts happen when boundaries gets crossed. Perhaps you hold back, avoid speaking your no, once, twice, three times. Your boundaries are gradually pushed back, and little by little a sense of frustration builds up, a restlessness in your body, your patience wears thin, and eventually you realise that you have let others cross your own boundaries. Often because you were not aware of where they are. But you can feel it in your body, as tension, a lack of energy, a lack of drive. And the real cause is a lack of openness towards yourself and others.
I don't think we do it on purpose, more as something subconscious or a lack of awareness, like a blind spot. What I learned, and keep re-learning, is that expressing your own boundaries feels good in the body. It gives energy rather than taking energy and drive.
I believe this is where lack of flow actually sits. Part of us already knows this, and part of us keeps it hidden from ourselves. Over time we feel it in the body. The positions we did not take, the values we did not hold, the choices we did not make. They all cost us.
Where have you crossed your own boundaries?
Practice, feel where your boundary is
I wonder whether we underestimate how much it costs to let a boundary shift without saying anything about it, and whether we realise how deeply it is stored in the body.
Here is a small practice. It takes two minutes.
- Take a short pause, and breathe deeply. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Feel your shoulders relax. Give your body the time it needs to land.
- Ask your heart a question. "Where have I crossed my own boundaries?" Let the answer come from the heart, feel into it and listen for the answer. Let it arrive entirely on its own, without you needing to think or analyse.
- Notice what happens in you. What happens in the body while you listen for the answer? What happens in the body once you have it?
- Write down one sentence without censoring yourself. Feel whether it is fully true for you, then read it aloud to yourself. How does it feel to say your truth out loud?
Your body already knows where your boundaries are. When you allow yourself to feel it, and act on it, it becomes a stronger and stronger muscle you can use consciously.
If you did the practice, feel free to reply to this email. I read it and will reply to you.
Circle of Friends, coffee this Friday at 2 pm
On Friday 25 September from 2 to 3 pm (CEST) I invite you to a virtual coffee in Circle of Friends, a circle for you who want to create change in the system, in relationship, in yourself. We start with the energy of the moment, land through a guided meditation, and close with a sharing where we listen and are met as we are.
Saying what is true, and hearing others share their truth, is what we practise in the circle. There is something about sharing in a room together with others.
We meet inside Circle of Friends, and joining is free. If you are already a member, sign up directly. If not, join the circle first and sign up once you are in.
Join Circle of Friends · Sign up by clicking going here
I look forward to seeing you on Friday.
1:1 sessions online, on Mondays
We are well into September and we can feel that summer is over. A more inward season lies ahead, and often a good time to look at the decision you have been carrying for a while.
On Mondays you can book me for a 1:1 session online, 90 minutes where we land one decision. We meet on Teams, wherever you are, in English or Norwegian.
The hardest part is often the first step, and I have yet to meet anyone who regretted it.
PS. If you are in Oslo on Sunday 1 November, you are invited to the workshop The Gift of Taking at Tantrasenteret, 1 to 5 pm, four hours where you practise exploring what feels good to you, and both saying and acting from what feels true in you. Kilo Scheffer and I hold this workshop together.
💜 Welcome
Warm regards,
Andrea
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